Assorted Holiday Stupidity

Another Year of Lowering That the Bar

One of this couple predictions one could make with certainty concerning 2020 is it will be much more stupid and dreadful compared to 2019, which is saying something. There is, nevertheless, at least one possible bright spot, and that’s the chance that I will complete my next book early in the year and find a method to get it in your hands, pills, or anything until this year is out.

Whether which is going to be a print or e-book, or both, remains to be seen. But it is going to be a compilation of selected events I’ve realised dumb enough to record on at some stage throughout the past 15 years. Not the complete accounts, but summaries very similar to people I put together for my own “Year in Review” string for The Green Bag; you can observe the 2016 variant of the here, along with a few carefully selected illustrations from 2019 look under.

While it might be interesting to have all of the phrases of Lowering that the Bar in print, it would also be absurd, because now you will find well over 2 thousand of these. The outline version alone is already over 300 webpages and 100,000 words, for God’s sake. If anyone wishes to purchase a 20-volume collection containing every word that is looked here, by all means, allow me to know. But it appears extremely probable that one quantity will probably be more than sufficient.

So, please like the following sample of items that really occurred during 2019, and that I wish you great fortune for 2020.

We’re going to want it.


THINGS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED DURING 2019

JANUARY

Jan. 1: In Oregon, a man sues Burger King for refusing to provide him one free hamburger a week , a bargain he asserts to have struck by a supervisor after he had been trapped in a toilet for one hour. Based about the anticipated cost of these hamburgers as time passes along with also the plaintiff’s life expectancy, the litigation needs just over $9,000. “We determined his life would last 72 years,” the individual’s attorney states, “which is about five years less than average based on his frequent consumption of cheeseburgers.”

FEBRUARY

Feb. 18: “CO2 has got a bad rap,” Montana state Rep. Joe Read says in a hearing on HB 418, a bill he introduced, that could announce that discharging “reasonable amounts” of carbon dioxide to the air officially has “no verifiable impacts on the environment.” If the bill moves, which it will not [and it didn’t], it would naturally don’t have any effect outdoors Montana. It could have no real impact indoors Montana, either, unlike carbon dioxide.

MARCH

Mar. 27: Utah’s governor signs SB 43 into law. Along using HB 40, he signed two weeks before, the laws means sodomy, adultery, and fornication are no longer prohibited in the nation. Such legislation were held in 2003, but as so often occurs, they stayed on the publications in Utah, just waiting to cause difficulty. A local news outlet states it found evidence that someone was arrested for adultery in 2018, although prosecutors apparently didn’t pursue this bill (presumably having discovered that doing this would be unconstitutional).

APRIL

Apr. 1: Texas sources report which Harris County Judge Bill McLeod contains accidentally resigned from office. McLeod, who intended to run for a seat on the state supreme court, posted on his strategies online. Only afterward did he understand Art. 16, part 65 of this Texas Constitution, which provides that when a public officer becomes a candidate or declares a candidacy for a different office, which “shall constitute an automatic resignation” in the workplace he or she presently holds. McLeod was just 3 months to his four-year period when he inadvertently resigned.

Apr. 29: In that the Eastern District of Michigan, Senior U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman dismisses a complaint (or as he explains , “a 136-page pile of papers”) on the grounds that it is “incomprehensible and serves no conceivable, legitimate legal purpose.” Which appears like a pretty good reason to dismiss a complaint.

MAY

May 7: The leader of New Zealand’s opposition party is kicked out of Parliament (temporarily) for supposedly making a “barnyard noise” while the prime minister is still talking. “I made no such noise,” Simon Bridges reacts, but it’s uncertain whether he’s claiming to have made no sound whatsoever or only it wasn’t a sound of this barnyard variety.

May 22: The company that possesses the Ark Encounter theme park in Kentucky, that includes a 500-foot-long re-creation of Noah’s Ark, files lawsuit against many insurance carriers to recover $1 million in damages following a serious storm. If that you are considering that this entails a claim that a re-creation of Noah’s Ark was damaged by heavy rain, you couldn’t be more appropriate. The damage was supposedly into the floor behind the ark, to not the ark itself, but still.

JUNE

June 15: The South Florida Sun-Sentinel reports that Kerville Holness is expecting to void the purchase that he made at a Broward County tax voucher in March. Holness says he paid $9,100 to get a duplex envisioned on the county’s site, which could have turned into a real deal. The county points out, but that the actual property description shows that the only part for sale was the one-foot strip between the two driveways, not the 2 lots themselves. The strip apparently belonged to this subdivision’s developer originally, and it remains unclear why it wasn’t folded into both of the 2 lots. Holness claims that the record was deceitful, but officials say he’s stuck with the offer.

JULY

July 17: A quote in Tasmania has arranged that the Beerepoot household to cover more than $2 million in back taxes, rejecting their argument that they could not pay income tax because doing so is “against God’s will.” In his conclusion, the judge points out among other items that the household had been not able to cite any passage from the Bible encouraging their argument which God doesn’t want individuals to pay income tax.

AUGUST

Aug. 6: A lawsuit alleges that Wayne Newton and other parties “willfully, recklessly and deliberately chose not to closely supervise and/or contain or confine” Newton’s pet monkey, stated behavior allegedly allowing stated monkey to snack the plaintiff’s daughter through a 2017 trip. The fighter was supposedly kept on the assumptions of “Casa de Shenandoah,” Newton’s former house, which was become a tourist attraction and tradition afterwards Newton transferred outside in 2010. Newton releases a statement saying that he severed all ties with the company that currently owns the land July 2017, three weeks before the alleged assault. The announcement doesn’t clarify why Newton didn’t take the fighter if he moved out.

Aug. 30: California’s governor signs SB 192 to legislation, meaning for the first time in nearly 150 years, citizens can legally refuse to join a posse. Researchers state they consider the California Posse Comitatus Act of 1872, that made it a crime to refuse to join a posse if legally asked to do this with a state officer or judge, hasn’t yet been utilized in over 50 decades and so is no more vital. The just group that registered a debate opposing the reform was that the California State Sheriffs’ Assocation.

SEPTEMBER

Sept. 9: “My transgressions were well-intentioned but wrong,” states Illinois attorney Jordan Margolis, before being sentenced to 3 years in prison for stealing by roughly a dozen customers. Margolis utilized a number of their money to cover expenses related to “Excuseman,” a superhero character he portrayed in advertisements for his practice. In the ads, “Excuseman” roamed the planet trying to penalize (sue) wrongdoers who disturbs someone but made excuses instead of confront responsibility for their activities.

OCTOBER

Oct. 22: The BBC reports six men have been convicted of attempted murder by a court in China, in a situation that reveals why assigning such offenses is seldom a fantastic idea. The convicted defendants were (1) a guy who hired a hitman to kill a business rival, (2) that the hitman he hired, (3) that the hitman the initial hitman hired instead of doing the task , (4) that the hitman who hitman hired, (5) that the hitman who hitman hired, and (6 ) ) that the “final hitman,” who, instead of murdering the supposed victim, met with him and suggested they fake his death instead. The sufferer instead went into the authorities.

NOVEMBER

Nov. 6: The Iowa Court of Appeals supports a lower court decision to dismiss a habeas application filed by Benjamin Schrieber, a convicted murderer serving life in prison. ) Schrieber was hospitalized for kidney failure 2015, also asserts he had to be resuscitated five occasions before he had been stabilized. He argues that he necessarily completed his “life” sentence when he “momentarily died” at the hospital. The court rejects that, saying the result is dependent upon Schrieber’s present standing: he “is either alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is dead, in which case this appeal is moot.” Given who Schrieber personally signed the application, the court notes, it appears improbable that he’s currently dead.

DECEMBER

Dec. 3: U.S. Rep. Duncan D. Hunter pleads guilty to one count of conspiracy to abuse campaign capital, significance (according to me) he has effectively admitted to each of 200 of the overt acts alleged in that count. And that implies he’s admitted that he illegally used at least $250 in campaign funds to fly a pet rabbit throughout the nation as part of a family holiday. Prosecutors also alleged that Hunter used campaign funds to pay for certain actions with a female identified as “Individual 14,” and Female Individuals 15–18, none of whom were his spouse (and co-defendant) Margaret Hunter. Coincidentally, possibly, Margaret Hunter pleaded guilty earlier this year and agreed to testify against her husband.

Dec. 31: Against all likelihood, the two United States and Lowering that the Bar have lived for still another season (roughly speaking, the 243rd and 15th respectively). With any fortune, both will stagger on for at least a couple more.

Henry Mitchell

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